around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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