I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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