I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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