I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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