Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
