just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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