Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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