Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
