I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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