there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
