Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(304): View more from West Virginia

apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...

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(386): View more from Florida

According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.

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(613): View more from Ontario

So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.

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(425): View more from Washington

I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...

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(443): View more from Maryland

Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...

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(407): View more from Florida

If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count

(516): View more from New York

then nothing in my life counts

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(928): View more from Arizona

I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon

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