Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
