My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
