i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
