I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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