I want to make a zoo with you.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
