Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
