It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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