I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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