OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize