I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
