I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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