I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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