so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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