life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
