I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize