meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize