Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
