My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
