i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
