totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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