Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It was confusing and full of hummus
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
