i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize