I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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