Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
