she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
