It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
