You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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