she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
