Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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