FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
