life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
