Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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