My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
