i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
