Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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