You smell like stripper and shame
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i came on her dog
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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