I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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