he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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