This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
