I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
