Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
