The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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