lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
