I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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