Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
