SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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