singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
