no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
