I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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