these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
