"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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