Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
