I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
