dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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