just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
