my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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