Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
