i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
