My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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