so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
