So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
