Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
