I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
