sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
