I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
