im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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