my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
