I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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