She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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