I wannas sexs uuuuu
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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