Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
