we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
