We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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