She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
